Scarcely had Col. Woods and his amiable lady gotten half way to the station when Bessie, their madcap daughter, determined that she and her sister Florence should have a lark. They would write a letter to a matrimonial agency and then poke...See moreScarcely had Col. Woods and his amiable lady gotten half way to the station when Bessie, their madcap daughter, determined that she and her sister Florence should have a lark. They would write a letter to a matrimonial agency and then poke fun at the applicants. Lucy, the colored maid, was immediately dispatched with the note and then told that she might have the next afternoon off. While puzzling over the matrimonial ads, on the following day, Sir Percival Bonehead ran across the one inserted for the girls, assuredly the most promising in the entire list. So, without time, he made for the Woods's apartment. Arriving, he was met by Lucy, eager to enjoy her holiday, but as she was heavily veiled and smartly gowned, the nearsighted Earl concluded that this was the heiress, whose millions he hoped to spend. With a low bow he presented her with a bouquet, and, not being repulsed, promptly proceeded to embrace the delighted maid. Not until she threw back her veil to receive his ardent kisses did he discover his mistake. Turning to beat a hasty retreat, he ran straight into the arms of Sam, Lucy's sweetheart, who unfortunately had come in just in time to see Sir Percival embrace her. Between the indignation of the pair, aroused in the breast of each, but for quite different reasons, the Earl was given a pretty strenuous five minutes. At last managing to reach the fire-escape, he hurriedly entered the old maid's apartment on the second floor and crept under the bed, just as she appeared, ready to retire. As her glance fell upon his feet, she stopped, paralyzed with delight and wonderment. There was a man under the bed! Encouraged by her voice, he crawled out, but the apparition which met his eyes was too much for even Bonehead. All means of exit seemed cut off, so, goaded to desperation, he dashed his head against the wall. Joy! It went straight through plaster, stone and all, and Sir Percival found himself in the street below. His respite, however, was but short, for having fallen on a sleeping policeman, the Earl was collared and marched off to the station-house. Written by
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